Jen Left A Mark On My Coffee Table

Jen came over one day to be a good best friend, and we drank tea. I was having a bad day, and she left work early. It was sweet.

Until she put her goddamned tea cup directly on my freaking coffee table.

Surely, you can understand my upset given the pristine, glorious condition of the table, pre-Jen.

It’s ok, Jen – She Who Does Not Know I’m Writing This. I know you had the best of intentions when you put your steaming hot, condensation-producing, adorable tea cup (mine) on the vintage coffee table. It’s ok, really. Except for the part where you left a mark on my vintage coffee table with your freaking tea cup.

My tea cup. Which may or may not have also left a mark on said table. Moot point.

But I digress. Jen’s destruction of my personal belongings has brought a very relevant issue to my attention: I need coasters. And I like the idea of needing coasters.

Honestly, and to the surprise of no one who has shopped online, the first thing I thought was “ETSY.” I have a unique style, damnit, and big box stores can’t fix my need for ~*self expression*~.

Victorian Print Coasters (2)
| $16

Anyone who has ever stepped foot into my and Whim’s house knows that my unhealthy obsession with damask prints knows no bounds. It was all Whim could do to stop me from putting damask curtains in our bedroom with the damask comforter and the damask pillows. It’s bad, real bad, but THERE’S NO DAMASK IN THE LIVING ROOM. (Except my mugs – including the offending mug – is damask. Hm.)

Geoforms Decoupage Glass Beveled Coaster Set in Woodland Sunrise
| $31 for Four

I am from the Pacific Northwest. It is [apparently] a cultural requirement for us to Put Birds On Things, and so the appeal of these should be obvious. Plus, nothing gets my heartstrings going louder than silhouetted anythings against a watercolor-washed background. Swoon.

La Charcuterie Coasters
| $20 for Four

Because I love vintage French signs and soppressata.

Victorian Gothic Literature Coasters
| $16

My love for old school horror combine with my love for kitsch to make me want these really, really badly.

Hand Stamped Tile Coasters
| $12 for Four

You might think this is very indie and cool of me to include. Stag. But really, it’s mostly nerdy, as I just watch the prelude webisodes to the new Alan Wake game (web series is called “Bright Falls“) (which is really scary, by the way), and had to include this.

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Pin Up Coasters
| $24

Because I love gorgeous babes?

Please help me choose which I should buy.

I am indecisive as a product of all of this anxiety and distress. I am your damsel, now find me some fucking coasters.

  • I like the birds.

    Also, this might help –

  • 1. In my defense, Lindsay responded to my “OH MY GOD YOUR TABLE I NEED A COASTER WHERE” with “Oh, it’s no big deal. This table’s fucked anyway.” Or something like that. I don’t remember. Anyway, it’s totally not my fault.

    2. The damask (duh), the pig (what I will buy if you don’t) or the gothic lit (SO COOL). I would say the birds, but the power lines kill it for me. Dead birds? Now that’s more like it – for us, anyway.

    3. Maybe we should just buy a house together and decorate it in dead birds and damask.


  • A hint from Heloise

    Did you try rubbing coffee grounds on the ring?

    • NO! But I absolutely will! Thank you for the tip. :)

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  • This is hilarious! You guys are too cute! I love the damask, the Goth ones, and the little French piggies!

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  • Meg

    Do not buy the Gothic ones! … I am greedy and want them for myself. They’re the only coasters in this bunch that I think the hubs would like. ;)

    I like the birds, the damask, and the piggy.

    • Hahaha!! You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to comment with “I HATE THE _____ ONES.” then run off and buy them, myself!! :)