Shoe Porn: Favorite Flats Under Fifty

Alliteration made me write the above title. What I really want to do is “Favorite Flats Under $25” but it doesn’t sound as neat when I say it out loud. So blame alliteration for everything over $25, k?

As much as I love the rain, wind and every other kind of weather that kicks the earth’s ass (while rejuvenating it, etc. etc.), I get really excited when I hear “today’s forecast: sun…” on the radio. It means I get to wear my less durable flats. You know, the really cute ones that leave your feet soaked and shivering after walking two blocks.

In honor of it being sunny not rainy today, I am posting some of my current favorite flats – but only the ones that are super cheap. You know, in case of a surprise downpour.

T-strap love! These feel young to me, but in a quirky way, not a “you’re too old for that” way.


Report Foley Flat: $75.00 $49.95

And these are a little more grown-up. Very office-appropriate, with both slacks and skirts. They seem an obvious choice with a pair of straight-cut black pants, but I’d rather see them paired with a tobacco color.

There are very few of this style left, but I had to include it. The single strap takes it from this kind of typical oxford look to a Mary Jane hybrid. Totally cute.

Because these are suede, I really can’t wear them until it stops raining – like, a full day of no rain just to be sure I don’t step in an errant puddle. (Or, you know, I could waterproof them.)

Mmm, toe cap. Mmm, snakeskin. I don’t know why they’re called pumps, but I do know that they also come in black and cream. (And of course, the image for the only pair of not-cream-or-blue shoes in this post is also facing the opposite direction from all the other shoes. Red snakeskin is such a rebel.)

Before I go, I have a question: why does anyone wear these?

I really don’t get it. I mean, I know that they’re comfortable – well, I’ve been told they’re comfortable from people who own the Merrell version – but they don’t look good on anyone I’ve ever met, male or female, in my entire life. They look…lazy. Like you couldn’t be bothered to do anything but slap some fabric and rubber on your foot so you could leave the house. They don’t even get points for being androgynous, because they’re not that kind of mysterious androgynous that embraces an asexual aesthetic; they’re the kind of androgynous that just gave up.

  • Jay

    I love the second ones! As for the last pair, I’ve seen slippers like look better than those. They’re about as fashionable as crocs. There are way better looking loafers out there. Why are people buying asexual shoes anyway?! Just wear something that’s catered to your gender. Are they sharing their shoes with someone because you’re too poor to afford two pairs of shoes?! What does the other person wear on their feet when it’s not their turn for shoes?! So much confusion.

  • Loving the “cool with that flat”.

  • The cap-toe flats are my favorite!

  • I was just scrolling through the pictures of the shoes…when I saw the last one (without reading your copy) I was like “WTF???” hah, and then I read what you wrote. I have no idea why someone wears them…unless you have severe back pain and all other shoes have been removed from the earth.

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