We are slowly but surely creeping into one of the most treacherous shopping seasons of them all: wedding season. Weddings are hard because there is a 50/50 chance that if you’re going to one, you will spend 6 hours on a Saturday being bored in a banquet hall. If you’re in one, there’s a chance you’ll spend a solid week wading through a psychological battlefield with someone you care about, who is now a monster from outer space, and then you’re going to let them dress you in something that you’ll likely be wearing for at least 16 hours.

Bridesmaid Life is a hard life.

But these days… everyone’s broke. It’s wonderful. It’s like when you’re a kid, and you think “why can’t everyone want to play Ninja Turtle Tea Time all the time, like me!?” Well, my “why can’t everyone just love being cheap as hell… like me!?” came true, and now, everyone is broke and nothing hurts. This is especially nice when it comes to brides, who more and more frequently are saying things like…

“I DON’T CARE JUST MAKE SURE IT’S LONG AND PURPLE”

…when it comes to bridesmaid dresses. This is rad because it means you can shell out as little or as much as you want. (We all know that I really mean “as little” but I’m trying to lure in the people who still like to buy fancy, expensive stuff, ok? Roll with it.)

So, our friend Criss (who is a total babezilla, and has an amazing story to share about her journey to loving her body – vote for her in the Curvy Kate Star In a Bra competition, by the way! She’s hot and wearing a bra – oh I guess that makes that link NSFW! Ok, back on topic) is a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and her bride friend was the one who [maybe?] shouted [maybe] “PURPLE LONG MAXI RAHH BRIDE!” She asked us for help, and what do we do? We deliver, baby. (But we don’t deliver babies, sorry.)

19 Purple Maxi Dresses under $50

Probably watching Netflix.