Monday Wedgie: JAWS

One of the most legendary horror movies of our time is, surprisingly, JAWS. Yes, the gaping, toothy maw of Bruce, the great white shark terrorized that poor, seaside town with a vengeance…

Honestly? I’ve never seen it.

There aren’t many films from the 1970s that I’m super into and, I don’t know, I don’t think sharks are that scary, I guess. Maybe I’m missing some kind of psychological twist like the shark is actually a figment of the imagination of a scientist from the future that signed up for the space program when we all migrated to other planets in 2163 and now lives in space, permanently, but has always dreamed of living where there is water and great white sharks, but had a nasty childhood so he has all these weird sociopathic thoughts about sharks, instead.

Now, that is a movie I’d be interested in seeing.

> Patent Sharkbite Wedges from Charlotte Russe: $45.50 <


 

No one likes Mondays.

Every minute that goes by post-alarm-clock is its own special hell, and don’t pretend that you pleasantly swath your spinach-spirulina-haggis shake and skip to work because it’s not humanly possible. Don’t be surprised if this wedgie is the highlight of your morning. Stick around, splash about, and enjoy!