Fashion is something that unites and divides in the same breath. I know that when I walk down the street in the mall, I’ll spend half the time admiring people’s bold fashion choices, and the other half of the time inwardly cringing at some of the terrible, shocking choices that people make. What we wear is a way of reflecting to the world how we would like to be seen, and fashion is a hugely important part of history, culture and life. I wanted to take some time to reflect on some of the worst fashion trends of the century to date in the hopes that we can all learn from the lessons of the past. You see, back before we all bought our shoes and dresses online, and before we had savvy fashion bloggers and Instagram acting as our own personal stylists, we had to rely on our own wits. Sigh. That was sometimes a disaster. Let’s take a look!
Crime One – Tights as pants
It’s fine for walking around at home, but as soon as you plan to leave the house, the tights come off and the proper, big girl pants come on. With tights, we can see ev-er-y-thing and sometimes, (as I’m enjoying a morning coffee at my local cafe) it’s not what we want to be seeing. Please, do us and fashion everywhere a favour and pop on some jeans or pants?
Crime Two – Harem pants
Ok, ok, we get it. You’ve been to Bali. And now you’re back you just can’t stop wearing them because these pants are just so comfortable. Well, it doesn’t give you carte blance to dance around in them everywhere you go. Friend’s birthday? Harem pants! Parent’s wedding anniversary? Hell, why not? Harems and heels. *facepalm*
Crime Three – Lensless Glasses
Oooh. What are you reading? Is that a new zine from your favourite underground author who nobody has heard of except for you? And those glasses are making you look super smart. Just don’t tell anyone your specs don’t have any glass in them and you only wear them to look cool, and you’ll be fine.
Crime Four – Ultra, ultra low rise jeans
For this, we all must pay. These jeans looked so cool on the people who wore them best: supermodels. And then when we all wore them, we birthed the term ‘muffin top’ which has since been entered into the dictionary and was Australia’s ‘word of the year’ in 2006; a dubious honour.
Crime Five – Velour tracksuits
See above in harem pants and you have the gist of things here. You might be comfortable, good for you, but unless you’re a starlet in 2002, you have no reason whatsoever to be trotting around in these. I don’t care if they’re Juicy Couture, take them off.
Crime Six – Ugg boots in public
Ok, I’m guilty of this one on occasion, but I have really nice Ugg boots. Ok, yes, it’s still gross, because I wear them out to the supermarket and buy my bodyweight in chocolate, but at least I’m not wearing them to the pub. I think the only person who rocked these was Pamela Anderson and she could probably make a carpet look good.
Crime Seven – Trucker hats (specifically Ed Hardy)
Who knows where this one started, but I’m glad it’s finished. Trucker hats adorned with all manner of glitz and glamour through Ed Hardy and festooned with all sorts of logos and slogans. One word: Ew.
Crime Eight – Grills
Trying to emulate anyone whose name is Lil’ Wayne is only ever going to get you into trouble. A plethora of celebs thought they could give the ol’ grills a go and failed dysmally.
Crime Nine – Crocs
Ugh. Holes in them. I can see your toes. They’re not thongs, they’re not slides, they’re just gross. Crocs were EVERYWHERE for a time, and now even though they’ve actually made some pretty cool things recently, they were an abomination when they first began.
Crime Ten – Satin anything
For some reason we loved satin in the noughties. No more, I say. Stick to the classic fabrics. If it breathes, it’s a good choice!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this walk back through the fashion crimes of this century.