Bag-stabbed: I Need A New Purse

Alternate title: Heartbreak & Recovery: Cross-body Satchels & The Marks They Leave on Our Lives and Clothes.

A bag that I once cherished and loved so dearly has betrayed me. It wasn’t just any bag, though… It was the perfect bag.

It’s a satchel. Cotton fabric in an almost-tweed and faux leather trim with sturdy hardware and a long, faux leather, cross-body strap. It had two buckles as a closure – but they were really snaps. It was our little secret.

I lived out of it, I lived inside of it, we went everywhere together. I could keep a DSLR, a change of clothes, my wallet, travel deodorant (aka purse deo), a bottle of Jameson and 5 tubes of lipstick in there, comfortably. Sure, it inspired many a “Wait, guys, sorry. I know my keys are in here but I just have to… hold on, let me put this down…” departures leading to tardiness, but it was all worth it.

…Until it turned on me in a completely unforeseeable turn of events. The faux leather strap, specifically, started to lash out by leaving small, inky, waxy, stains on my shirts.

Right. Between. My boobs.

Explains the tight cropping on the baroque necklace review, eh?

Where the strap lays, it leaves behind an immovable, black stain.

Look at it! My perfect, silk, neon freaking yellow shirt is pretty much toast, now. Not to mention countless ribbed white tanks (aka what I wear 90% of the time I’m alive) and light-colored tops. My closet is a battlefield and our side simply wasn’t ready. I am going to try taking it to a dry cleaners while sobbing and wearing two pairs of sweatpants in hopes that they’ll take  pity on or fear me enough to give it a go.

So, I have to put him down. The bag, I mean. I have to retire it, I have no choice. It’s the last thing I want to do, but I can’t live in fear of my own accessories. I had that bag on my body every day for over two years… It’s been an embarrassing amount of turmoil and I’m honestly surprised to see that it survived this long.

…And the worst part is that it’s not even broken! It’s completely usable, it just hates me. That’s all. Maybe one day I’ll put effort into replacing the strap and give it a new life, but today is not that day. I need time to heal.

I’m not ready to stop carrying a cross-body bag, either. The style i perfect for me because I hate having to carry stuff in my hands, and the fabric satchel style tends to be a bit more expandable which accommodates my glamorous mobile-packrat lifestyle.

Top Row: Dorothy Perkins Nameplate Satchel, $49; Mischa Barton Anderson Satchel, $45.57; Large Soft Zip Holdall, $76
Second Row: Urban Expressions Aria Satchel, $49.95; ModCloth All-Star Bag, $59.99; Dorothy Perkins Buckle Satchel, $49
Third Row: TopShop Arthur School Satchel, $68; ModCloth Mural Maven Satchel, $64.99; Pieces Patricia Satchel, $57.38

I’m pretty close-minded about shapes and styles right now because I’m still going through the phases of loss. I’m sure there are other nice bags out there. We’ll get through this.

Have your accessories ever turned on you?

Has your bag ever attacked you? Has a shoe broken your spirit? Hat hair, Farmer’s Tan and allergic reactions to cheap metal all count.