Ankle boots are so, so, so much more okay with me now that I live in skinny jeans. When I was younger and wearing way more skirts and shorts, my calves made the executive decision that ankle boots weren’t an option for me.
The amendment was upheld until about 2014 when shoe designers decided that ankle boots didn’t actually have to be horrible-looking at the top, nor did they need to stop in the most awkward of limb connections which naturally emphasized the somewhat grave difference in circumference between one’s calf and ankle.
Since then, I’ve learned (like many others) that the circumference of calves and/or the calf-to-ankle ratio means actually, literally, absolutely nothing and I’ve found myself pairing ankle boots with everything from maxi dresses to cropped jeans. As a former maniacally-insecure middle schooler with the build of a high school rugby player, I am pleased to give not one but two middle fingers to bad ankle boots stigma while slipping on a pair of these:
Target Jessica Genuine Suede Ankle Boots, $49.99
Note: These booties are decidedly not vegan. That means, you guessed it, that’s real suede! If that makes you cry, move along, but if that slips past your conscience and drifts into your closet and makes a home right next to your green skinny jeans and probably leather motorcycle jacket, to each their own, you heathen.
Candie’s Heeled Ankle Boots, $79.99 $69.99
These boots have actually been on my feet, as they were a major contender when Kohl’s let a 30 year old woman go Back-To-School Shopping but I ultimately chose a pair that had a lower heel because I was living in the actual forest at the time because building a tiny house while you’re in between houses means: camping!
But enough about crap I bought, what’s important is that these tall, taupe glasses of water are actually quite comfortable (note: my feet are on the wide side, but not fully wide sized. Make sense? No? Ok.) and the height of the boot shaft is really unique and flattering. You know how when it comes to boots, a half a centimeter can make the difference between stylish and Edwardian school teacher? Both good looks, but you either want one or the other, you know what I mean?
Dolce Vita Gael Wedge Ankle Boots, $89.99 $71.99
There was a point in my life when WREAM (Wedges Ruled Everything Around Me) and there’s a damn good reason why: at least 65% less falling down and 0% lost height. Also, the profile of a nice wedge heel is a type of sexy that says “I can run away from you in these” and there’s nothing sexier than self-preservation.
Again with the taupe, I can’t deny that this is one of my favorite neutrals. There’s something about those laces, too, that makes me feel cozy. They look like sweater laces. Is that a thing slash could it be?
Material Girl Rhodes Lace Up Ankle Boots, $79.50 $41.73
Never in my life did I think I would put up a piece from Madonna’s Material Girl line for JCPenney but… here we are, and here are these browny-olive ankle boots that are breaking me as a person. I like that, on paper, they’re basically Litas but aren’t actually Lita Clones. (If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, Lita means Jeffrey Campbell Lita Boots in the “I Look At 2012 Street Style Too Much” dialect.)
Target Mossimo Supply Co. Dez Shearling Boots, $37.99 $32.28
Shearling on boots is one of the absolute best things in the colder months. The only sad part is that they become mildly obsolete and completely ridiculous-looking in the sweaty summer months. That being said, I’m all about balance, and the amount of sheer joy that shearling-lined boots bring me in the winter time pretty much equal the amount of sadness that I experience when they sit in my closet during spring and summer.
See what I did there? That’s called self-enabling. It’s a quick way to get rid of any annoying money that you might find in your bank account.
Blowfish Bilocate Wedge Ankle Boot, $68.95
These have been on my mind for a looong time. In fact, it’s documented for the first time here in 2014 and I’m pleased to say their prices have not changed! These black leather ankle boots, though… Delicious. More delicious than previous iterations though I could see reason for having multiple (DO THEY COME IN TAUPE?!1)
Maybe it’s because I find the whole messy look to be “acceptable” and “my daily fashion choice” but the wrapped boot shaft is a very cool detail that, like the zipper, has absolutely no function whatsoever but for some reason makes me feel cooler. If Fonzie were an ankle boot, he would definitely be these.
Franco Sarto Larissa Ankle Boots, $119.99 $49.99
I feel like these barely need to be discussed. We all know why they’re here, just look at them! Calling these “classic” would be a dumb understatement because these are classic to the extreme. I guarantee these will be worn with absolutely everything you own.
Dirty Laundry Campus Queen Ankle Boots, $59.99
Part of me feels like I should apologize for including these because the old lady in me says “these are ridiculous and absurd and juvenile” and the rest of me (which is mostly comprised of misunderstood and tortured adolescent) doesn’t give a #@%!. How tall are these things? A deceptively short 3.75″ with a 1.5″ platform. Hear that, old lady?! These are barely even heels! With a 2.25″ rise, these are probably crazy comfortable (which would explain why they have 4/5 stars from 18 reviewers!).
I have to say, too, now that I’ve finished up this gawk-fest – there is a black ankle boot epidemic and something really needs to be done. Can I possibly illustrate the number of black, brown, and grey boots that all look the @#%!ing same?! You could fill in all of those weird holes in Siberia with black and brown boots.