TMI Tuesday: Fake’n’Bake?

We allllllll know how pale I am. Just click the outfit button at the top – white girl is white.

So tell me, all of you olive-skinned-and-darker girls… What’s it like to get a tan? I wouldn’t know, of course, because I’ve never gotten one. Ever. I’ve never had a tan. This sensuous mix of Cajun and Irish skin goes from white to red in only a matter of minutes! Literally just set it and forget it. (Don’t do that, actually, because that shit is painful.)

Please see “computer programming” for an accurate depiction of my skin tone.

I have wondered what I’d look like with a tan. Whether or not that whole “look healthier/thinner/more awesome? when you’re tan” thing is truth or an urban legend. My only option if I were to find out, though, would be to fake it. I mean, sure, I could throw myself into photoshop and adjust all the levels to point to “St. Tropez,” but that takes, like, work and stuff, so no thank you.

Then there’s the risk of becoming a tanorexic were I able to tan, and found that I enjoyed it. Do I really want to partake in a look that has its own “-exic?” I’m unsure. I have so many feelings, guys. So many feelings.

I’ve been musing on the FB page and Twitter about trying out some tanning goop just to see what it was like. I couldn’t pull off a deep, beach-all-summer look – this I know. I wouldn’t mind giving a light tan a go, though. That being said, I ADORE BEING PALE. I love it! I have no issues with how translucent my skin is, at all, and wouldn’t [permanently] trade it for the world. Curiosity, though, tanned the cat, so how can you blame me?

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But I know nothing! Do I spray? Do I gel? Do I cream? Do I do it everywhere? Do I do it over a bathing suit? Do I do my pits? My face? My feet?

What should I do? Recommend products, share your experience, or tell me off in the comments!

Probably watching Netflix.